Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
