i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
