I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
