She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
