im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I lost the right to judge tonight
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
