Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize