Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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