I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize