R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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