Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
