Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize