I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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