note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
