I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There r osticjed everywhere
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
