A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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