hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
