If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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