why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
