is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
