The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
