i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
