i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
