My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
