Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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