He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
