Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
