when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
