My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
