Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
