the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
then he tried to convert me to islam
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
