i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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