One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
