she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
