Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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