Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
