It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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