i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
