Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
