He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
