I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
