I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
