please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
