it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
