he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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