You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
