awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
