I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
