dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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