Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
