it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
