whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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