I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
