I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
