Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
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you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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