You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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