I love black thongs
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
