I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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