I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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