She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
