Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize