Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
